Laugh a Little

Mat Kjenk sent this to everyone, I think. I have, however, made a few modifications to it. I am guilty as sin for the additions.

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that’s more like it!) [Pian Boe: Does this mean that the International Atomic Energy Commission will come and take Hamid away so that Malaysia doesn’t get to own nuclear weapons? ]

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!) [Pian Boe: Really? I squirt other stuff over 30 feet on a regular basis. No big deal… ]

A pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.) [Pian Boe: What do you mean ‘next life’? It’s now or never, my friend! We are already 46… ]

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy. I’m still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Do not try this at home…… maybe at work.)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head off. (“Honey, I’m home. What the….?!”) [Pian Boe: Doesn’t this happen in humans as well? Hamid, what do you mean, “Only to you, Boe”?]

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It’s like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes… lucky pig… can you imagine??)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?) [Pian Boe: Me?]

Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life…quality over quantity) [Pian Boe: Can I be a ‘piglion'? Please?]

Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm……..) [Pian Boe: I knew it! I knew it! This is why… Oops! Never mind. Children might be reading]

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (If you’re ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (OK, so that would be a good thing….)

A cat’s urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.) [Pian Boe: He was in Homeroom B, I think]

Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that too.) [Pian Boe: Yep! He was definitely from Homeroom B. BTW, the International Atomic Energy Commission will be taking him away soon]

Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they’ll live a lot longer.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig??) [Pian Boe: Humans still have sex? For pleasure? But I remember Hamid explaining to me that... Wait a minute! Hamid!!!]

Now that you’ve smiled at least once, it’s your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)…in other words send it to everyone.

Anybody else want to contribute anything?

Pian Boe